226 Days, and He's Finally Home!

We made it through, and after 226 days of being apart, I welcomed Arron back home with open arms...

And he welcomed alcohol with open arms as well...

So now that he's home, and enjoying Skylar (his new guitar)...

... we're spending time together and enjoying it!

Thanks to all who have kept up with this blog and with me during the past 226 days. I'm not sure if I'll be keeping up with this or not. We'll just have to see. :)

Day 223: Come over to play, please?

Just a quick funny conversation from work today:

1st grade boy: "Ms. Brittany, I like you."
Me: "Aw, I like you too!"
Boy: "Will you come to my house to play this weekend?"
Me: "Haha, we'll see."
Boy: "Ok..."
*5 minutes later*
Boy: "Here's a map to my house... I hope you can come!"

Oh, and it continued to the back as well. Ha!

Psst... Arron will be home soon!!!

Day 218: The end, almost!

Ciao i miei amici! Hello my friends! 

It has officially been 7 months that Arron has been gone, as of October 14th. Crazy! I think to myself that it hasn't been that long, but then I remember things that I've written about right after he left that seem like they happened a lifetime ago. Allora.

The good news is, this deployment is finally coming to an end quite soon. How soon, I can't say, because even I don't know the exact date yet! They keep changing it on us. Anyway, I will most definitely update you with homecoming pictures after he gets back. :)

This past week has been quite fun. On Tuesday, the anniversary of Momma's passing, I woke up and went to the market with Tessa and her new friend Jasmine. We had quite some time walking around the Aviano square, buying candy and bargaining. I picked up some flowers in honor of Momma.

We then went to go to Spaghetti House for lunch, because I was craving their chicken salad. But they were closed, since it was Tuesday. After going to BeFed's, and Bobe's, we finally had to go to the Enlisted Club for soup-and-salad since nothing was open. Welcome to Italy! Allora. When we got to the E-club we found out it was membership lunch day, so no soup and salad, but everyone was happy anyway with the different menu.

That afternoon Shannoa and I went to get facials on base, and then we hit up Ovvio's (or Ovaries, as we like to call it) to do a bit of shopping. She didn't buy anything, but I bought a bath pillow and some new candle holders, along with a bedside table lamp for Arron's side of the bed.

She covered her face since we didn't have any makeup on after our facials.

Candle holders! Look great on our credenza.

Nothing else really exciting happened this week, besides finally becoming a supervisor at work. Yay! I hit my one-year mark on Tuesday, but it doesn't go into effect until the beginning of the next pay period, which is tomorrow. So excited for a pay raise. :)

Oh, and I finished my set of classes I was working on. I'm now only 8 classes away from my bachelor's degree! And the most awesome news (in my opinion, ha) is that I have a week off before my next classes start up. Seriously, I haven't had a week off since I began classes in August 2010. Whew! I'm so close to graduating, I can almost taste it. :)

That's all for now. I probably won't update again until after Arron gets home, so eeeeek! 

Ciao ciao!

Day 213: 525,600 minutes

How do you measure a year? On October 11, 2010, we lost a beautiful and kind soul. I was sitting there, along with Pops, Jacki and Paul when she drew her last breath. And since that moment, I have had a hole in my heart that nothing and nobody has been able to fill. She was my Momma.

People have told me several times in the past year that I'm strong, that they don't know if they could make it through what I have in this past year. What they don't know is that I don't have a choice--People never realize how strong they are until they are put in a situation where they have to either be strong or quit. I have her strength in me, and it's the only thing keeping me going sometimes.

There are some days that I don't realize she's gone, and it hits me like a ton of bricks when the realization hits me. I used to dream about her, but I can't seem to anymore. I don't know if that's a blessing or a curse, but my heart hurts the same either way.

525,600 minutes. Every minute she has been gone has been like a pinprick in my heart.

I have so many memories of her, happy and healthy.
The mornings I'd wake up and go crawl in bed with her while she drank her morning coffee. We'd look out her bedroom window and laugh at the dogs trying to catch the squirrels, or the lazy cats sunning themselves.
The evenings we'd sit on the couch and cry while watching Army Wives, and speculating on what would happen on the next episode.
The days I'd come home from elementary school and find my room cleaned, and know that she did it out of her love for me.

I'll never forget the first time I went with her to MDAnderson for her doctor's appointment. I was 10 or 11, and when I asked her eyes filled with tears as if to say, "You really want to see me get poked and prodded with needles?" We decided to make a day of it in Houston since the medical center was right next to the zoo, and we laughed as we walked around the zoo, looking at the animals. Somehow I ended up with a blow-up alien doll, and I remember holding it out of the train cart as we rode the train around the outskirts of the zoo. The train was always her favorite.

Right before my wedding, I got free tickets to a diamond exhibit at the Houston Museum of Natural Science. We went up on a Saturday, and after going through the exhibit, found a little garden of which I don't remember the significance. I just remember walking around with her, smelling the flowers.

It's hard to believe that I haven't talked to her in a year. It's so hard to believe that, when we go home for Christmas this year, she won't be there to remind me how long to cook the turkey or the perfect way to make the dressing.

I am still angry. It might be foolish, but I am still angry. I feel like she got cheated; we all got cheated. I don't understand why people who hurt so many people live long lives and hers was cut short. I don't understand why it had to be her.

The only thing that I keep reminding myself is that she loved us, and she loved me. She did anything that she could for her children when we needed help or advice. I hope one day that I can be half the mother she was to me. I hope that I can pass on her good traits to my children--her kindness, her generosity, her love, her patience. Even though she's gone, she will live in me.

Day 210: Catharsis

Today, one year ago, Momma made her last joke. There were a bunch of family friends at the house, hanging out like it was Grand Central Station (as always), and she nodded when I asked her if she wanted me to help her out of bed to go see everyone in the living room. When Pops told me he didn't think it was a good idea, I asked her--"Momma, do you want to stay in here or do you want to go see all the people?" It was hard for her to talk at the time, so she held her hands out in front of her, palms facing out, fingers interlaced. It took a minute for us to understand, but she was making the hand sign from the childhood rhyme, "Here is the church, here is the steeple, open the doors and see all the people." She smiled so big when we finally understood.

It is safe to say that I'm in the anger stage of grief. I'm pissed off at the world, and I'm pissed off at God. I was in one of those moods tonight so I got my coat on at 10 pm (it's 40 degrees outside, y'all!), put my boots on, and walked to a nearby park in San Quirino. I sat down and proceeded to look at the stars in the clear night sky and tell God every reason I could think of why I was so mad at him and at the world. About 5 minutes into it, I thought I saw a shooting star, but figured it was just the tears in my eyes clouding my vision. But no, I happened to go outside to complain in the middle of a meteor shower. In 20 minutes I saw 6 shooting stars....

At the end of my cry session, when I was out of tears for the moment, I looked up at the stars and said,
Momma, if you can hear me, I love you. I miss you and my heart aches every day for you. I wish I could hear your voice again... I can't believe it's been a year since I've been able to hug you. I miss you, Momma. 
As soon as I finished, the biggest shooting star I've ever seen streaked across the sky. It was probably a coincidence, but it still made me feel connected to the universe somehow. 

A friend told me earlier that being able to pour your heart out to someone physically doesn't ever take the pain away. I agree, but I feel like just being able to say things that I've kept inside for a year makes my soul feel lighter. My heart still hurts with every passing day, and that pain will never go away. But never underestimate the power of catharsis.

Day 207: Songs

One year ago today, Arron woke me up at 5 am. He had gotten off work late, and had been inspired to write a song. He brought me the video camera and I filmed his first song.

One year ago today, I was getting ready to head home. We had less than a week with her before she passed away.

This is going to be a very, very hard week.

Day 204: Busy & Productive Weekend

This weekend has been chock full of busy-ness! Yesterday I woke up and ran to the commissary and bazaar. I had gone to the bazaar Friday night and bought some Christmas decorations, but I talked to Arron afterward and he had told me that he wanted me to pick this up:

So I went back Saturday morning before the commissary and got one. :) It's a nice little mesh of Italy and Texas, all in a mosaic right in our entryway.

I then came home to make potato salad for a BBQ last night. I rushed and rushed to get it made, and then get ready for a baby shower before the BBQ. Right as I was about to leave (10 minutes late), I looked at the invitation and realized that I had another full hour before I had to be there (whew!). So I got a little break before the craziness began.

The baby shower was fun. I only knew the mother-to-be, so it could have been awkward, but we had some laughs and I got to know a few people. It was nice, and it's awesome to see how people come together as a family at overseas bases when someone's expecting. Some can't always go home for a baby shower or things like that, and it can get a bit lonely over here without family near.

Anyway, I came home after the baby shower, grabbed the potato salad, and headed to a BBQ in a nearby town named Cordenons. It was a birthday bash/end-of-season party/promotion party for people involved with the base softball teams. It was a lot of fun, especially to watch the drunken people stumble their way around. They played cornhole, which is a beanbag game that involves two teams of two players trying to toss their beanbags through a hole in a wooden platform. I think they like it so much because it helps them practice their slowpitch pitching skills, ha. Anyway, I loved getting to sit around with new friends and getting to know them better. The softball teams here are truly a family, and I don't think they ever have a holiday or birthday without each other around.

Since yesterday was filled with cooking and two parties, I had to take time today to clean house and do homework. I started around noon, and worked solidly until 5 o'clock. I spent an hour and a half on our upstairs patio, cleaning the algae and mildew off the floor and then working to unclog the drain. It took baking soda and vinegar, along with boiling water, and a full hour of using my hands in nasty water to get it to finally drain. At that point I was wishing that Arron was home, but it's an awesome feeling to get things like that done without needing a man's help. :) Once I got the drain unclogged, I used the water hose and the soles of my rain boots to clean the rest of the patio... I think I had a little too much fun!

After the patio was clean, I spent the rest of the time in the house sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming. I also got a chance to switch out the candles around the house for more autumn-y fragrances. Yay! I'm not usually a fan of autumn, but this year it means that the time is getting closer for Arron to come home. :)

I sat down to write a paper tonight and realized that the deadline got extended for an extra week. And like a true college student, I decided to procrastinate longer on that and spend the night surfing the web. After all, I had a crazy, busy and productive weekend!

Ciao y'all!